2 posts tagged “xmr”

It's been a few weeks and I'm still trying to get my crap together. Thanks for bearing with me.

I'm finding I have less and less time these days for MUSHing, so I'm trying to work out a week-by-week schedule for this. Bottom line: I work shifts and have found that I need to be more RL-social, including seeing friends I hardly ever see and family members who feel it's six months at a time before they get to see me again and aren't happy with that. (They exaggerate, but still. Point taken.) And on top of this, I've been bringing work home, have a personal project that has to be done (for my own sanity) and have been cracking down on my school work.

So, I can't be on every night, but I'm doing my best to be on 3-5 times per week, minimum, as I still want to MUSH, still have obligations on MUSHes and don't want to drop everything.

With all that in mind and in the spirit of getting back into stuff, here's what I need/want to do with my characters:

1. Brianna - She's currently the de facto leader of the X-Men, a teacher, a squad leader, yearbook advisor and a musician and lately, she has been very inactive. Again. Still. However you want to look at it. I need to fix this. However, I've made a few attempts to get people together, set things up or even be available but people aren't taking me up on much. Any suggestions on how I can get people excited to get involved again would be greatly appreciated. Because I can't be on every day, it's sometimes hard for me to judge when others might be around or to just spontaneously start things -- shiftwork sucks, ladies and gents. Also, aside from this, now that she's relatively mobile, I'd like to get her out on the streets a bit more... in her favourite club, the cyber cafe, etc. She's been cooped up too much and I'd like to expand her experiences a little. I even considered her 'moonlighting' as a singer or guest musician at various clubs around town. Anyone want in on that?
   
   
2. Marrow - An acolyte of Magneto, Combat Marshal and general 'thug' for the Brotherhood, my little walking nightmare does a lot of 'training' or 'working out', 'patrolling' and generally rumbling with the street thugs of NYC. The side-line story that was going on for her was her relationship with her boyfriend (which is great fun, honestly), but I'd like to branch her out a bit. I know she's cantankerous and scary-looking, but there's really a scared, walled-up little girl under all those bone spikes and gruff attitude and it's something I'd love to get a chance to explore a bit more, if anyone's willing. I've managed to get to this a bit with her relationship with Zach, and with some of her friendship with Rogue, but I really feel I've only managed to hit the tip of the iceberg. Anyone willing to help with?
   
   
3. Theresa - For those who don't know, I have a third alt named Theresa. Yes, it's Siryn! I've managed to get a few scenes down with a potential love interest, perhaps a few friends, and even an 'enemy', but there's something missing... ah! Yes! FEMALE FRIENDS. ;) All her contacts so far are male, which is fine... and I don't want to deter anyone with male characters to avoid RPing with Theresa because I've said this. But she's relatively new to NYC or to the U.S. in general, she's a student, she's Catholic with a bit of a temper/mouth on her if she gets riled enough, and she could really use some friends, especially those of the female persuasion. Who is she going to talk to about some stuff. Writing letters home to her aunt is great, but there's no one-on-one action right now. Who's up for the challenge? ;)

With the exception of maybe Bri, who does have some professional obligations she needs to fulfill or take care of as well, all three of my girls really need some interpersonal interaction at this point. One-on-one or small (read: 2-3 people) group scenes would be grand.

Do I want them involved in plot? Hm, well, by nature, Bri and Marrow will already get dragged into plot, so that's a given. Right now, I'm still trying to get a 'feel' for Theresa and what makes her tick, what will push her over certain edges, etc. So smaller, non-big-plot scenes would be something I'd like to focus on less, if possible, for a little while. Though, if she gets dragged in ICly, that's different. ;)

So, that's that. If anyone is willing to help out or get involved or wants to get dragged into something, etc., poke at me, please. Feedback is welcome too. :)

Okay... here goes. I'm cross-posting this from Vox to LJ because I don't know how many folks actually read my Vox
account.

Let's face it: I have not been around. I've floated here or there but haven't truly had a presence on the game.

What's up, you ask?

The long and short of it is that I was feeling very overwhelmed with life in general. We've had six deaths in 13 months, including family and friends. My mother's health is scary-not-good. Dad went in for hip replacement surgery this week. My brother might need surgery again on his jaw (still unsure). Work is... unsure at this point. We're facing budget cuts, people being given separation packages, other people being 'redeployed' around the workplace, the word 'layoffs' has been floating around, and a lot of 'change phases' coming up which have not yet been defined or explained (it's all rather vague). In truth, I don't know if I'm going to have a job in a couple of months or not. Considering that I have a debt of about $26,000, this is very not-good.

On top of this, I've been trying to get back into school and the university has essentially been screwing me around, running me around, and tossing up brick wall after brick wall. So. I've gone to the local college; lo and behold, my class starts in two days. *gasp*

So what was going on?

I was in denial of this and even said it wasn't for a while, but... "Depression".

It runs in the family and I've nearly been medicated for it in the past (yes, I actually do suffer from 'clinical depression', as diagnosed by a doctor and it does come back from time to time). Honestly, I'm surprised that I didn't admit to it (to myself) sooner. Usually I catch on very quickly and nip that in the bud faster than you can say, "Nuh uh, we're not going there!" But let's face facts: 2006 was a very difficult year for myself and my family (and many others!) and I was becoming a hermit even from online stuff and folks. That's a BAD sign. Usually if I hermitize, I'm at least somewhat active in the MUSHes still, as it's good escapism.

But nope, I wasn't. I was pulling back more and more from everyone and everything. Even my plants were dying on me because I wasn't watering them. I haven't had a bout this bad since university (and I graduated in '97, if that tells you anything).

Granted, many times that I didn't logon, I was simply very busy but there were times when I came home and just sat in my computer room playing video games (no, not just WoW for those who might be wondering about that, but even just zuma, solitaire, sudoku, etc.). Or I'd sit online and just be there but not do much other than web surfing and listening to music. I haven't even really been reading as of late. I found myself becoming more and more misanthropic and not only unwilling but seemingly/nearly incapable of dealing with people outside of work.

Even my housework has suffered; I started catching up on that this week. I wasn't going out for lunches with co-workers, despite being asked. I didn't go out for New Year's Eve and even balked when my hubby wanted to do the traditional kiss at midnight, saying I didn't want to make a fuss. I wasn't meeting up with family. I haven't seen some of my friends in weeks/months. Hell, I've regained half of what I lost last year in weight -- which is a definite warning sign that I ignored.
 
Granted, some of the last little while, I've been sick, too. But I wonder if some of it wasn't just stress-related (which is still sickness, but could have been prevented if I had been actively managing my stress).

So, as I went through the opening procedures at work this morning, I thought about it. No one else was around. I wasn't online. Everything was quiet. I could think. And that's when it came to me what was going on. I've been living through a really bad bout of depression and withdrawing a little more each day, each week, though I was still trying to get things done; but I was going through the motions.

This week, I finished up registration for school. I visited with my dad. I talked to Mom on IM briefly. I logged onto XMR a bit this week (and even RP'd!) and today, and have my alts online (even if I can't RP from work, I can at least logon to see what's going on, maybe touch base with a few folks, etc.) -- unfortunately, no one else is around, so I might actually logoff for a bit to do some work and pop back a little later. And now I'm posting here. It's not a lot, but it's a start.

There are likely people who are pissed off at me for not being around. Or curious. Or worried. Or maybe not. But if you fall into any of these categories, I can only apologize. The above post has not been put up for sympathy or attention, nor as an excuse. It's an explanation. I seem to be doing this a lot lately, but it's time I stop myself and do something about it. Just know that now that I've recognized what's going on, I am taking steps to alleviate this problem and get things sorted out.

With all of this said, I will be putting up a post shortly regarding my characters, where they stand and a general call / request for scenage to try to get back into the swing of things. I hope to catch you all online soon. Anyway, thanks for reading.