1 post tagged “common courtesy”
One thing that quickly angers or upsets me on a game is being stood up for a pre-scheduled RP scene. This is a pet peeve of mine which started a few years ago on another MUSH. There was an individual who would schedule scenes with me for specific dates and times, then just never show up. I would sit around for hours, waiting for this person to logon, only to end up logging off feeling bored, dejected and annoyed. Eventually, this person would return maybe a few days later acting as though nothing was amiss, much to my frustration.
"It's Just a Game!" - The Real Issue
Now, before anyone starts yelling at me about how real life (RL) comes first, that it's just a game, etc., let me say that I firmly agree with you on these points. But this isn't what I've gotten upset about. Consider the following scenario:
Your friend calls you up and says, "Hey, why don't we meet after work tomorrow at Starbucks for a coffee? I'll be there at 5:30pm. Sound good?" You agree and show up at the appointed time. After waiting till 7:30, you resign yourself to the fact that they aren't showing and now make your way home.
How would you feel about this? Angry? Annoyed? Like you wasted your time?
Now, if they call you later and apologize, say something came up, that they had to way to let you know and such, you'd probably forgive them, understand and move on, right? So would I.
But how would you feel if you went home and they didn't call you for days. Finally, you get another call and they start talking to you like nothing was wrong. How would you feel now? If you would still feel annoyed and upset with them, I wouldn't blame you, because that is exactly how I would feel. You had made yourself available for them at the appointed time and place and they just seemed to simply 'forget' about you. And the fact that they didn't acknowledge that they missed your appointment probably makes you feel like not only did you waste your time, but that they weren't courteous enough to you to point out that they were aware that they missed the meeting.
Just Some Acknowledgement
This is what I get annoyed about when it comes to missed scenes is the lack of any mention when one is missed. RL happens. Stuff comes up. You fall asleep on the couch when you didn't mean to. You just plain forgot. It's all happened to me. I understand. But when there's not even an acknowledgement that said scene was missed, it bothers me. It makes me wonder if the person I was supposed to scene with even sees me as another human being on the other side of that monitor.
I don't need details, reasons or excuses. I'm not other people's keeper. It's honestly none of my business why a person doesn't make it to a scene. All it takes is a little note saying, "Sorry I missed our scene. Maybe we can reschedule," to make me feel like I matter. I don't know; maybe it's just me but a little bit of courtesy goes a long way.
And I don't feel it is my right, job or responsibility to poke at someone when they have missed a scene to get them to acknowledge it. Sure, I've kidded with people about it, but I think I'm just going to stop. I feel like I'm invading someone's privacy when I do that.
Has this happened a lot lately? Not really. A couple of times. Most times, people do get in touch with me in the end and reschedule the scene, acknowledge it was missed, etc.
The other aspect of this occurrence which bothers me is the fact that if I say to someone that I will be online to scene on a certain day at a certain time, I do everything in my power to be there, so I guess I expect others to do the same.
A Possible Solution?
However, I think I am going to adopt a new personal rule to help minimize my feelings of frustration, any wasted time (and RP opportunities), etc.
I will wait 30 minutes to 1 hour, maximum, for a person to show up for a pre-scheduled scene. If they do not show up within the first 30 minutes and I am offered RP, I will accept the offer. If they do not show up by then, I will start looking for other RP. If the person shows up beyond the point when I start a new scene, they can expect to reschedule with me, as it would be rude to the person I am in-scene with to dump them for the person who is late.
Do you think this is fair? Am I being unreasonable?
Honestly, I have no desire to get angry with people. I also don't wish to come off as a jerk, either. I simply want to have a personal policy in place to help minimize my own frustration because I don't want to be pissy and mopey and because if someone is late and someone else is offering me scenage, I don't want to miss out.
Before anyone asks, no, this is not limited to XMR, but other places I play on as well.
If you feel this post is aimed at you, it probably isn't. Nothing has happened over the weekend to spark this topic, but has happened over the course of several years of roleplaying and I just felt it was time to address it, explain why it upsets me and then come up with a personal solution for any future instances (as I know it will happen again).
