"All of This Past" - Sarah Bettens
Here I go again
Slipping further away
Letting go again
Of what keeps me in place
I like it here
But it scares me to death
There is nothing here
(humming)
The light is beautiful
But I’m darker than light
And you are wonderful
But this moment is mine
All of this dust
All of this past
All of this over and gone
And never coming back
All of this forgotten
Not by me
I find comfort here
Cos I know what is lost
Hope is always fear
For the pain it may cost
And I have searched for the reason to go on
I’ve tried and I’ve tried
But it’s taking me so long
I might be better off
Closing my eyes
And God will come looking for me
In time
All of this dust
All of this past
All of this over and gone
And never coming back
All of this forgotten
Not by me
All of this dust
All of this past
All of this over and gone
And never coming back
All of this forgotten
Not by me
I can see myself
I look peaceful and pale
But underneath
I can barely inhale
I can hear myself singing that song
Over and over until it belongs to me
(humming)
I am notoriously bad for posting RP logs -- this never used to be the case, honestly. At one point in time, I used to love editing and posting logs. I still do love the idea of having posted logs, but I have grown lazy and fallen horribly behind.
As a result, I actually lost about 2-3 months worth of RP logs from the summer, which sucked royally. But what can you do? So now I've started backing up my logs once a week (or more often) onto CD (I'll see about putting it on a zip drive, too, if I can... or a second CD).
Meanwhile, I don't generally post logs in my LiveJournal, as I've kept it as an IC venue for my two girls. And I keep this Vox blog for exposition and thoughts about RPing, XMR, etc.
So, I'm considering trying to submit to the log site again. The only downside to the game's log site is that you can't lock who sees it, so if it has potentially sensitive info in it (like what the X-Men or Brotherhood might be up to), it can't get posted there. In LiveJournal, you can lock it to select groups of people by using friends filters. A positive thing about posting in the game's log site is that newcomers and guests can see that the game is actually populated and busy, encouraging them to join the game and stay.
So, what to do, what to do?
I suppose I could do a combination of both. I could post more sensitive logs on LJ with an OOC tag and user pic, keeping the text behind a cut and filter, while putting more 'public consumption' logs on the game's log site. (I don't think you can do text cuts in Vox, otherwise I'd just do it here and keep the OOC stuff out of my IC weblog.)
What does everyone else do? Do you find you face the same dilemmas? I know some of you use LJ strictly for log-posting. I just don't like muddling them up. However, I suppose if I was posting logs there, I'd at least be posting more regularly. ;)
Hahahaha. Either that title can refer to the fact that Brianna is currently confined to a wheelchair or the fact that she keeps saying to people who keep bringing her goodies that they're trying to make her fat... ;)
Anyway, I've got about five scenes under my belt with her at this point and I can say that she's getting a little easier to RP. I still have some difficulties and sometimes I have to fight old habits (which I have identified as not-so-great habits), but I think I'm rolling with the punches a little bit more and that she's got a bit of a storyline now. She has a few things going on and getting dumped in her lap and now she's got to find some way of dealing with it all while in this cast for two months.
She's getting cranky. (Thought she was cranky in the last few scenes? Ain't seen nothing yet. Heh.)
She's been confined to her bed long enough, too. I meant to drag her out a couple of nights ago (as the constant elevation thing is only supposed to be a 2-3 day ordeal), but stuff happened and RL has been stressful so I have really only RP'd Marrow. So, people can expect to see her struggling around the place in a wheelchair with her leg stuck out before her (think: smacking into doorframes and tables periodically). Hopefully things keep going better like they have been. I enjoy the character concept and do like RPing her. I just need to find that 'fun place' for her again.
Meanwhile, yes, I realize that having had her break her leg is going to limit what she can do over the next few months but frankly, I'm fine with it because her leg break has already generated some RP and I think it might take her in other potential directions (maybe taking up new activities since her physical activity will be limited -- so Ninjitsu class will be put on hold, but maybe she'll start focusing more on her technology knowledge and skills, for example).
And the coolest thing about her breaking her leg?
I heard that it spurred some RP between some folks. Gave them something to talk about.
That warms my little RP-geek heart like you wouldn't believe. :) And in turn, that RP opens up more RP for me.
To quote Babylon 5: "And so it begins..."
I've had two scenes with Brianna so far and I must say that it has been hard so far. I have struggled to get the poses out. I don't think that her new storyline is necessarily forced... it's her that I'm having difficulty representing in text.
I definitely think I need to keep my scenes small and simple for now. No more than two others in a scene and maybe not necessarily scenes that I have to 'run' so to speak. Did a Danger Room session and it was very difficult for me. I was fortunate that I had a great RP partner for it; but being in a role where I had to come up with the scenario was draining. I used to love coming up with DR scenarios and running with them. It's just difficult these days because of my difficulties with Bri.
Getting her out of the school occasionally is something that I need to do. Not only because she was designed to be this 'rebel' so to speak and have a 'life' compared to the other faculty but also because I can see her nearly being driven to drink by some of the stuff going on at the school (nothing in particular, but I can see her patience with teenaged angst/drama/pranks/etc. being low right now with everything being so 'serious' and 'dark' in her life right now). So I could literally see her being almost like Logan in canon... just flitting in and out when she feels like it, though unlike him where she actually comes back more regularly to deal with responsibilities etc... despite those responsibilities being part of her more recent stress.
At least she has her drivers license now.
Reminds me I have another +char/upgrade to request soon, but I need to RP around it first... which means scenes with certain people to get the ball rolling.
Oh, and in case someone is thinking my difficulties with RPing her is because there's all these new stresses and pressures on her, that's not it. These things were added to help facilitate some RP for me and to create a story of Bri's own, instead of her being like an NPC in everyone else's stories. Don't get me wrong; I enjoy getting pulled into other people's stories and helping out with them, but she just didn't have anything of her own.
She was just so laid back all the time and had nothing going on. She wasn't involved in plots (because I am one of those ones who can't handle the big huge scenes) as a general rule, which didn't help... but it was worse because she didn't really have a story of her own. She was, as I've posted before, furniture in the school or background noise. People went to her when they needed her, which is fine, seriously... but she didn't have anything to keep her going.
Much like an actor asking, "What's my motivation?" I have found myself in the same boat.
Anyway, I'm RPing at least. It's better than nothing. It's just still currently a bit like pulling teeth to get into Bri's head, but I'm trying.
