So I've had two scenes now with Brianna.
Let me tell you: it is hard RPing her now. Really hard. I have to stop and think. Her actions don't just flow from my fingertips anymore.
But I'm trying.
I wanted to thank those who have offered to help me bring her back. I really appreciate it. I'm looking forward to RPing with you. :)
But I do ask that everyone be patient with me if my poses take a little longer or if sometimes things seem a little 'off' or if my scenes aren't as long as they used to be because it really is taking a lot of effort to roleplay Bri and I'm not entirely sure that I've managed to get back into her head just yet.
I'm doing my best. Honest.
Does anyone else ever get surprised by their characters?
Now, some people might respond to that with a rather confused expression and a statement that sounds something along the lines of, "Are you nuts? You control your character, so how can you be surprised by them? You do the typing!"
Yes, this is very true.
But I've been RPing for a while and I really love when I don't have to really think while RPing save for an appropriate choice of words to describe what my character is doing. There are many scenes that I get into where I have no idea what my character will do until I start typing the pose (or even until after I have finished typing it!). My characters seem to get lives and minds of their own and really do react in ways that I would not, nor would I dream of even considering doing.
Marrow has been shocking the hell out of me right, left and centre as of late. Almost to the point where I have thought, "Who are you and what have you done with Marrow?" I'm seeing sides of her that I only sort of knew about and never thought would ever surface. Then again, it helps that I've had a few other players who have been willing to help bring these aspects of the character to the surface with their own characters' involvement in her life.
A minor example, but who knew that Marrow actually has a ticklish spot? It's harder to find (get your minds out of the gutter!) and so it wouldn't come up often, but she does! I didn't know she had one until it was recently discovered. *shrugs* And who knew that she wouldn't pummel a certain someone into a paste when she found out he recently found her sketchbook and read through it? Who knew that it would actually shut her down a bit, emotionally? She's just usually all rage and riot, so it was so odd to see her get all quiet and vulnerable.
I don't think for a second that this is breaking out of the character's mould. I think it's delving deeper. She's still Marrow, to use her as the example, but there's just more to her than vitriol and venom; other's just don't usually get to see these things unless they stick around long enough.
And honestly, I really enjoy getting to see these things along with the other characters. It's just as new and surprising (or sometimes shocking) to me as it is to them.
So, what about you? Do you find your characters sometimes surprise you or do you always orchestrate their every move?
I know I haven't written much on my journals as of late but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things again.
And I have a confession: I haven't been playing Brianna lately for a reason. It's not that I have been trying to shirk my duties as an active faculty member of Xavier's or the X-Men, honest. I want to be doing these things, but I just haven't been in Brianna's head-space much as of late.
Many of the personal storylines I had going for her have fizzled out due to people dropping offline or losing apparent interest, which is fine, honestly. That's their prerogative. But also, I'm just having a hard time 'feeling' her, you know? How can I explain? Playing her feels forced to some degree or another. Not that I think she, as a character, is forced, but that I always feel like I'm forcing myself to play her when I do. I don't know if it's just that I'm bored with her, that I've gotten into a rut with her or if the character just isn't where I want to be with RP these days. I don't really know. I find I have a serious lack of energy when RPing her and feel that my RP 'performance', if you will, is less than standard or is just 'surface' RP.
Any of the 'depth' she was originally written to have has never really surfaced since I started to play her last December. Not that she has a truly angsty background or anything, but she has had some drama, like everyone else and she just kind of shows the 'showy' side of herself all the time -- which is how she was written, granted, so maybe I just wrote her 'facade' a bit too tightly. I don't know. She's out there partying, drinking, smoking and keeping her relationships at an arms-length, so to speak. She doesn't open up a lot to people. Not really and truly. Perhaps I didn't put enough angst in her background so there's not a lot to open up to, per se. Maybe I need something dramatic to happen to her to 'liven' things up a bit. I don't know.
But in all honesty, I have been having more fun playing Marrow as of late. Granted, she's a canon character (or FC on XMR), so some might think that she might come off as more well-rounded than an OC but I don't think that's what's going on here, nor do I think that's true. I know of many OCs that are played well and come off as very well-rounded and not so cardboard-cutout-ish. Not many people know that Marrow's background was completely re-written by me. Not a scrap of it is canon. Why? Because canon-Marrow doesn't fit XMR's storyline at all. There are no Murlocks, to start with and that's such a foundational part to the canon-Marrow, just to touch the tip of the iceburg.
With the exception of the concept, powers and the name, the character is 'mine' through her background. So is her personality. Now, I've been told that I do Marrow well by several people -- and I take this as a compliment because in reality I don't know the comic book Marrow. This is why I say the personality belongs to me. I have never seen a comic with her in it before until recently (and even that has been snippets on the web).
All that aside, I'm having a blast playing her. Yes, some days it's hard to get into her headspace because she is a very unpredictable character. I have to use dice occasionally to decide what way her mood will swing, how she'll react to things and occasionally a pose might take me 15 minutes because I'm having a hard time putting her reactions into words. She is a very strong character with a stronger will than many, but also instable mentally -- which may change over time as people start to try to get to know the woman inside, beyond the bones, depending. She's brash, bold and calls it like she sees it. She's harsh and stoic and yet there's a more fragile side to her that only a select few have actually seen. I love the dynamics of this character and no matter what XMR tosses at her, she just keeps on going -- and often surprises me with what she does.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is what I love about Marrow. When I RP the bony one, I feel 100% engaged. She's out there and in your face and is an enigma and a bulldozer and... you get the point.
Brianna is... background noise.
See why I'm having issues here?
When I RP Bri, I feel like I'm just there for scene colouring/decor. She's furniture.
Does this mean I'm retiring the character? No, not likely at this point. I'm still going to attempt to breathe some new life into her, but how, I'm not exactly sure just yet. I'm not one to try to steal the limelight from people or to thrive on uber-angst, in truth, so I want something that's engaging but without the screaming neon lights that flash, "LOOK AT ME!!" at other players. That's not fun for anyone else.
