[Characters] Playing My Girls

I know I haven't written much on my journals as of late but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things again.

And I have a confession: I haven't been playing Brianna lately for a reason. It's not that I have been trying to shirk my duties as an active faculty member of Xavier's or the X-Men, honest. I want to be doing these things, but I just haven't been in Brianna's head-space much as of late.

Many of the personal storylines I had going for her have fizzled out due to people dropping offline or losing apparent interest, which is fine, honestly. That's their prerogative. But also, I'm just having a hard time 'feeling' her, you know? How can I explain? Playing her feels forced to some degree or another. Not that I think she, as a character, is forced, but that I always feel like I'm forcing myself to play her when I do. I don't know if it's just that I'm bored with her, that I've gotten into a rut with her or if the character just isn't where I want to be with RP these days. I don't really know. I find I have a serious lack of energy when RPing her and feel that my RP 'performance', if you will, is less than standard or is just 'surface' RP.

Any of the 'depth' she was originally written to have has never really surfaced since I started to play her last December. Not that she has a truly angsty background or anything, but she has had some drama, like everyone else and she just kind of shows the 'showy' side of herself all the time -- which is how she was written, granted, so maybe I just wrote her 'facade' a bit too tightly. I don't know. She's out there partying, drinking, smoking and keeping her relationships at an arms-length, so to speak. She doesn't open up a lot to people. Not really and truly. Perhaps I didn't put enough angst in her background so there's not a lot to open up to, per se. Maybe I need something dramatic to happen to her to 'liven' things up a bit. I don't know.

But in all honesty, I have been having more fun playing Marrow as of late. Granted, she's a canon character (or FC on XMR), so some might think that she might come off as more well-rounded than an OC but I don't think that's what's going on here, nor do I think that's true. I know of many OCs that are played well and come off as very well-rounded and not so cardboard-cutout-ish. Not many people know that Marrow's background was completely re-written by me. Not a scrap of it is canon. Why? Because canon-Marrow doesn't fit XMR's storyline at all. There are no Murlocks, to start with and that's such a foundational part to the canon-Marrow, just to touch the tip of the iceburg.

With the exception of the concept, powers and the name, the character is 'mine' through her background. So is her personality. Now, I've been told that I do Marrow well by several people -- and I take this as a compliment because in reality I don't know the comic book Marrow. This is why I say the personality belongs to me. I have never seen a comic with her in it before until recently (and even that has been snippets on the web).

All that aside, I'm having a blast playing her. Yes, some days it's hard to get into her headspace because she is a very unpredictable character. I have to use dice occasionally to decide what way her mood will swing, how she'll react to things and occasionally a pose might take me 15 minutes because I'm having a hard time putting her reactions into words. She is a very strong character with a stronger will than many, but also instable mentally -- which may change over time as people start to try to get to know the woman inside, beyond the bones, depending. She's brash, bold and calls it like she sees it. She's harsh and stoic and yet there's a more fragile side to her that only a select few have actually seen. I love the dynamics of this character and no matter what XMR tosses at her, she just keeps on going -- and often surprises me with what she does.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is what I love about Marrow. When I RP the bony one, I feel 100% engaged. She's out there and in your face and is an enigma and a bulldozer and... you get the point.

Brianna is... background noise.

See why I'm having issues here?

When I RP Bri, I feel like I'm just there for scene colouring/decor. She's furniture.

Does this mean I'm retiring the character? No, not likely at this point. I'm still going to attempt to breathe some new life into her, but how, I'm not exactly sure just yet. I'm not one to try to steal the limelight from people or to thrive on uber-angst, in truth, so I want something that's engaging but without the screaming neon lights that flash, "LOOK AT ME!!" at other players. That's not fun for anyone else.